Saturday, October 31, 2015

All I want for Christmas is to be with you









                                        It is a couple minutes till midnight... gasp....I am still up!!  So be my life the last couple of months.  That is what happens when you lose a dear loved one.  In my case my Mama.  I have had hesitation in sharing this private aspect of my life right now.  But it affects all facets of my life.  I can't sleep and I am creating to keep myself sane.  I find myself seeing her and being reminded of her in the smallest details.  For instance a little tiny heart diecut that had fallen to the floor in the threshold of my craft room.  I was convinced she put it there for me to see.  I am always looking for signs.  I feel close to her in my little room....she loved to sew and crochet.  I think of her every day and tell her that I love her.  I go to sleep with an old red sweater of hers cuddling it in my arms.  These are the things that at one time I might not find to be normal...but... it is MY new normal.  Taking each day as it comes.  Trying to stay busy.  The day she died I cleaned the house from top to bottom.  Some type of self doubt of her being gone.  Maybe if I clean fast enough and good enough I can change what has happened.  Have control over an uncontrollable situation. 
                                      Tears come at the most inopportune of times.  Being in our local Bi-mart staring at Hickory Farms sausage....she loved to buy that each year at Christmas.  Tears start.   Sausage made me cry....really?  Sighhhh.  It is what it is.  So making Christmas cards come with a bitter sweetness knowing she will not be here for it.  She loved red like I do...so I will deck my house with it!  And I will know I will never get over it.....rather adapt to the loss each day.  So with that .....I hope you will have patience for my posts and projects. 
                                      Tonight I am sharing a simple card.....one that I know my Mama would have loved......the terriers and the red....and all the cheerfullness.  Those sweet dog buddies....telling each other I hope you get what you want....but "all I want for christmas is to be with you".    I share those same feelings for this coming season.   For my Mama.....but I know she will be with us in spirit.                     Thank you my friends for letting  me share .   I have wanted to for several weeks.  As always I hope you enjoy my sweet card!  Hugs, cherry

8 comments:

Annie Rose said...

Cherry, I'm so sorry for your loss and thank you for sharing the news. Sending healing thoughts your way. I visit your blog often for the most beautiful crafty inspiration, this gorgeous card being no exception, and I'm glad it's keeping you busy and creating happy memories! :)

Luvs,
Annie

NancyB said...

I know it took a lot to share your grief as I too am a private person. Sending prayers to you and your family on this huge loss. I too have lost too many loved ones and find solace in my tiny little craft room. I know your mama put that little die cut heart right where she knew you would see it. They always send us 'signs' to let us know they are watching over us. Love your card and those terriers are soo cute!

Patty O'Malley said...

Oh, Cherry, I am so sorry for your loss. I don't think there are adequate words to express sympathy. I do believe that loved ones do send us signs. You will find them. My brother passed away ten years ago, and my sister-in-law (who lost her husband at the age of 40)said to my mother "You never get over it. You just learn to live with it." I'm sure your mom loves this pretty card made with her in mind. Tears will come at any time but know that there is no time limit on grief.

robinann17 said...

I hope that it helped ease your pain by sharing your story with us today. Losing Mom is never an easy transition. I lost my dear Mom in March of 2014. For quite a bit I couldn't sit to craft. Sadness made it impossible for me to become creatively inspired. Each day I would pass by crafting table and say, "Not today." But one day, it just was a small whispering, but I sat down and made some paper projects. With each finished one, I could feel Momma smiling down on me. Tears do come at strange times. Some small memory that brings the joy of remembering, but the pain of loss. Moving into the holiday season is hard because my Momma loved holidays. I struggle to make them be as special as she always made them. I'm glad your Mom left you a little heart. She certainly help create a most wonderful girl...and I'm glad that I follow you so I can be a small part of your life. Thanks for sharing. It does get better...but I find it always hard even if it just a little bit hard.

Véro said...

Dear Cherry,it's so hard to lost someone you love! Your Mama is in your heart and in your head for ever. God bless you and help you in this difficult moment.

Michele Murray said...

Cherry,

I have most recently started following your blog. I love your sweet work.
I wanted to say, I am sorry for the loss of your beloved mother. It is ok to share such things, so you go ahead and share...
I also use my craft room as a place to get away from all of the stuff that life throws at us that is not so pleasant, therapy for me if you will.
Thanks for sharing.
Michele

Marcie Rhys said...

Thank you so much for sharing your loss with us. The experience comes to all of us who are lucky enough to have had our parents, and is realized in many ways, Crying when the spirit moves you, is a fine relief (though temporary when the pain is so new).

What wonderful memories you have of your mother, Cherry. I imagine your house was one of merriment and creativity this time of year. The fresh loss, at the advent of the holidays, hurts with its many reminders, but in time, the loss is softened, and the thought that our departed are so present during this season, reminds us that this is the way they always live on in us. I hope the pain becomes less and the comfort more as the holidays approach. May peace be your greatest gift this year.

Team Clark said...

Oh Cherry, sounds like you are grieving in all the right ways. Don't set limitations on your grief, just let it come and go and know that it is natural and good for you. Your mom sounds like my Grandma and seems to have liked all the same things. I can certainly relate to how you're feeling. My goal is to honor her with my life, my actions, and my love to others. I will keep you in my prayers. This is a beautiful card, thanks for sharing it and your struggle with us.
Hugs, Autumn